Relationship Issue #2 What Would You Do?

This story is about woman married and divorced once years earlier to an over-baring controlling man, she had to work two jobs to get her life back on track.


She was able to purchase a small perfect home to live.


She had been single for some time. She likes her wine and enjoys wine every evening after dinner.


Single after many years, she meets an on-and-off working man.  They hit it off right away. They date, he needs a place to live, and he asks and she accepts his moving into her house.


Off and on she calls me and asks whether this relationship will continue.


Each time we would talk she would speak of their arguments and how angry he would get. I would press what was the reason for his anger? She would say, “For many different reasons.”


Within a month she calls and says her relationship is over. Wow, really? And I ask why. She then tells me the truth, “He was now a recovering alcoholic, almost three months.” He was trying to get her to stop her drinking.


He moves out. He immediately finds another woman and moves into her house. Her heart is broken when she is told he has a new lady. She is angry and jealous and feels he betrayed her.


I asked how she found out. She has a mutual friend who relayed all info about him to her.


My client was told she must take “mandatory forced days off” each month and could not afford her bills. She loses her house to foreclosure.


A very close friend rallies around her and offers her monies for a manufactured home in a local subdivision. She now has a wonderful opportunity and a great home for a great price.   She is very happy.


A month after she moves into her house, her “Ex” calls her and says he has made a mistake.


The logical answer would be for her to tell him she is done. Easy for us, but she is in love with him. She enjoys her wine, even if she does have 2 or 3 glasses a night. She is in her mid-fifties and is entitled. She understands his need to stop drinking.


He is willing to allow her drinking, but he will not always look away. When out and about he will insist she not drink and cause him to have urges to drink.


She does not want to struggle. She wants to stop missing him.


They cannot stay away from each other.


She calls crying.  He wants to move in again.


What would you do?

Here is how this stands as of today:


They have continued to see each other just off and on for last few couple of months. She did not allow him to move into her new "beginnings",  especially since he was not in her life at the time of purchase and moving in.

They see each other very infrequently. My impression is that he will end it.

Are you an Emotional Hoarder?

8-11-2010

You really loved that man! How dare he not call you, not remember your birthday, leave you for someone else. Your best friend talks to you about everything in the universe and about her love life, yet does not have time to listen to your problems? Mother or Father issues of neglect, older brother sister treated you with disrespect.


Are you still holding on to some of these issues? Do you carry a grudge against your partner, and in your relationship? Does emotional hoarding affect the love between you and your boyfriend? Are you not able to “let go”.

The big question is: We all have “crap” happen, the truth of the problem is: how long do you hold onto the emotion of the incident?  At least 10 years back I had a friend of my mother’s come to me for a “session” to help clear up some emotional issues. Her first statement was, “I am so mad at my man!”

After getting his first name, I asked how long since he had called or talked to her in person, so I could get to the root of his neglect towards her. Well, well, well I almost fell over! She had not heard from him for 17 years!!!!

Clearly she was with this ended relationship an “emotional hoarder”.

What is the value in your life of any emotional hoarding? Please don’t be a victim of life, do not give your power (your life) to an incident or a relationship long ended.

Do you still feel a victim, determine what you need so you can let go or move on.  If you are emotionally clouded in your mind, think through what and how to constantly re-direct your energy. Get out of the relationship that does not work, instead of being a victim and an emotional hoarder.

Emotional shake that "Ex" out of your life!

8-10-2010


Hello everyone,

Got a call today from a client who was at work and so depressed that she was prompted to call me and see what I could tell her. Two years ago she left a marriage where the husband had not released the other woman he dated prior to their marriage nine years earlier.

Within weeks of their separation the “other woman” came fully back into his life.

All three of their lives were intertwined because they all worked for the same company at one time, and now share all the same friends.

Two years later this past week, the ex and the “other woman” who is now permanently moved into his home, went on a vacation with the club they belonged to.

This friend, who called me today, told me that even though this sounded like a great trip decided not to go because of her ex also going. Friends called her two days ago reporting back to her how this couple were in conflict with each other, and the girlfriend being very bossy.

Today my friend, while at work suddenly was flooded with the thoughts of her ex. A work mate came over and asked if she was alright because she looked pale and upset. My friend said she was feeling depressed and weighted down and something wasn’t right with the world. She then left for a break walking outside with her phone and called me.

Answering the phone, she was elated for me to answer. “Thank goodness you were near the phone, I am so down or depressed. I can’t get “J” out of my mind, even had a dream of him last night.” She then told me of the friends returning from the trip and how glad she had not gone.

Turning on my “psychic energy” and moving to her, I had to maneuver around a dark donut shape smoky energy encircling her torso. As I touched this foreign soul touching her, it reacted back to me with “I am J”. Well, well, well you have an “attachment”! I almost yelled at her. A living attachment can be a loved one or could be someone like “J” who has remorse, longing or regret. Clearly he has attached to his ex my friend; perhaps he may regret and wished that he was still married to her as this trip would have been more fun or remembering that his now ex was never as bossy as the girlfriend was on this trip. How many scenarios can I create that would or could describe why this man is wrapped around his ex-wife my friend.

“Well how do I get him off me?” She sounded angered and feeling victimized by him once more.

Shake him off like a wet dog trying to dry off. “Really!” she said.

What if we had the ability to color this energy and you could see the “cording” from him to you like a thick braid and then the wrapping around your torso. Wouldn’t you want to push it off of you? Or perhaps get a really big pair of scissors to cut and sever the connection?

“What a great way to think about that. I’ll do it, and think of that gray cloud around me moving back to him and his miserable life!”

Then announcing that she needed to get back to work, my last words to her were, “This will be a good topic for my blog!”

So, how many of you are still thinking of someone with regret and unhappiness, or anger and remorse?

What message are you giving that person? Do you think they will come back into your life if you are sending that message?

My best thought is to completely pull your life force back to you. Keep you to yourself. Create a “missing in the other person’s world” by shaking him off from you! If the other person is smart enough to figure out what is keeping he or she from being happy and may discover it is you. Then you will be in the winning place to make the decision to accept the return of this individual into your life, based on an emotionally healthier place than when the split occurred.