Are You Dating Again?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Are you an Emotional Hoarder?


You really loved that man! How dare he not call you, not remember your birthday, leave you for someone else. Your best friend talks to you about everything in the universe and about her love life, yet does not have time to listen to your problems? Mother or Father issues of neglect, older brother sister treated you with disrespect.

Are you still holding on to some of these issues? Do you carry a grudge against your partner, and in your relationship? Does emotional hoarding affect the love between you and your boyfriend? Are you not able to “let go”.

The big question is: We all have “crap” happen, the truth of the problem is: how long do you hold onto the emotion of the incident?  At least 10 years back I had a friend of my mother’s come to me for a “session” to help clear up some emotional issues. Her first statement was, “I am so mad at my man!”

After getting his first name, I asked how long since he had called or talked to her in person, so I could get to the root of his neglect towards her. Well, well, well I almost fell over! She had not heard from him for 17 years!!!!

Clearly she was with this ended relationship an “emotional hoarder”.

What is the value in your life of any emotional hoarding? Please don’t be a victim of life, do not give your power (your life) to an incident or a relationship long ended.

Do you still feel a victim, determine what you need so you can let go or move on.  If you are emotionally clouded in your mind, think through what and how to constantly re-direct your energy. Get out of the relationship that does not work, instead of being a victim and an emotional hoarder.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Emotional shake that "Ex" out of your life!


Hello everyone,

Got a call today from a client who was at work and so depressed that she was prompted to call me and see what I could tell her. Two years ago she left a marriage where the husband had not released the other woman he dated prior to their marriage nine years earlier.

Within weeks of their separation the “other woman” came fully back into his life.

All three of their lives were intertwined because they all worked for the same company at one time, and now share all the same friends.

Two years later this past week, the ex and the “other woman” who is now permanently moved into his home, went on a vacation with the club they belonged to.

This friend, who called me today, told me that even though this sounded like a great trip decided not to go because of her ex also going. Friends called her two days ago reporting back to her how this couple were in conflict with each other, and the girlfriend being very bossy.

Today my friend, while at work suddenly was flooded with the thoughts of her ex. A work mate came over and asked if she was alright because she looked pale and upset. My friend said she was feeling depressed and weighted down and something wasn’t right with the world. She then left for a break walking outside with her phone and called me.

Answering the phone, she was elated for me to answer. “Thank goodness you were near the phone, I am so down or depressed. I can’t get “J” out of my mind, even had a dream of him last night.” She then told me of the friends returning from the trip and how glad she had not gone.

Turning on my “psychic energy” and moving to her, I had to maneuver around a dark donut shape smoky energy encircling her torso. As I touched this foreign soul touching her, it reacted back to me with “I am J”. Well, well, well you have an “attachment”! I almost yelled at her. A living attachment can be a loved one or could be someone like “J” who has remorse, longing or regret. Clearly he has attached to his ex my friend; perhaps he may regret and wished that he was still married to her as this trip would have been more fun or remembering that his now ex was never as bossy as the girlfriend was on this trip. How many scenarios can I create that would or could describe why this man is wrapped around his ex-wife my friend.

“Well how do I get him off me?” She sounded angered and feeling victimized by him once more.

Shake him off like a wet dog trying to dry off. “Really!” she said.

What if we had the ability to color this energy and you could see the “cording” from him to you like a thick braid and then the wrapping around your torso. Wouldn’t you want to push it off of you? Or perhaps get a really big pair of scissors to cut and sever the connection?

“What a great way to think about that. I’ll do it, and think of that gray cloud around me moving back to him and his miserable life!”

Then announcing that she needed to get back to work, my last words to her were, “This will be a good topic for my blog!”

So, how many of you are still thinking of someone with regret and unhappiness, or anger and remorse?

What message are you giving that person? Do you think they will come back into your life if you are sending that message?

My best thought is to completely pull your life force back to you. Keep you to yourself. Create a “missing in the other person’s world” by shaking him off from you! If the other person is smart enough to figure out what is keeping he or she from being happy and may discover it is you. Then you will be in the winning place to make the decision to accept the return of this individual into your life, based on an emotionally healthier place than when the split occurred.

“a young woman, loving her man”


The focus for this blog is a song I just heard on the radio. The song was sung by Doris Day and it was called, “I’ll never stop loving you.” Doris Day the darling of her era, energetic starry-eyed girl swooning over the man she loves.

Now don’t get that I listen to this “very old song station” and that I am an antique! Not the least! This station gives me pleasant background sounds to type by. Also, great ideas to blog, so this sound brought up images of a young woman, loving a man and devoting all her “Undying love and pledging her love forever to him”

Within the hour I hear Willy Nelson sing, “All the girls I’ve loved before”, it is beautifully written and sung. Melody is easy to hear. I stopped and listened to the words of male non-commitment and unabashed conquests. Perhaps the female listener might say, “Wish it could have been me to have such a celebrity fling with the artist!” Yet, most women would see this song writer as someone who brags of the large number of conquests. Over the 20 years, I could count on my two hands the number of women I’ve met who date, “like a single man” and seeking conquests to brag about to her friends.

Ok, before I get a law-suit thrown at me for being insensitive to the writer’s goals of creating a “fantasy most men only dream about”. Perhaps we all need a long history of love conquests. When I’m in my 80’s will I regret the two marriages I’ve had and the lack of a closet full of shoe boxes of love notes, gifts and pictures of conquests?

I’ve been talking 20 years assisting men and women about their love relationships issues. I am so convinced that women are “hard-wired” to nest and we are unconsciously always creating a safe haven for a child to be born. Ok own it girls, if we are hard wired and it is our nature, why are you surprised when a man comes into your life for a “fling”; you call me exclaiming, “Is he the man who will marry me?”

The fundamentals of what I’ve witness is: that of 100% of single dating men, 95% of these men are looking for a “fling”. To get a better perspective on this theory: The primitive early years of human kind, men where the ones who left the tribe to forge for food and then coming back to the tribe with his food prize to seek a mate to continue the building of the clan. Women who are single and dating, 95% of those women are looking to “marry” and create a permanent nest, hard wired to wait for the man to come back to the cave.

Clearly, we are out of whack here! So we women need to be better prepared to tackle that 5% with better understanding of “men kind”. Be ready to grown into the woman you’ve always wanted to be, emotional healthy with personal goals and excited with the prospect to meeting the best suited partner for you.

Question of “marriage” after meeting your perfect partner; ah yes, I will cover this also at a later time.

How many of you have had sessions with me and I’ve said, “Mothers raise their sons to be Kings and their daughters to be Queens to those Kings!” Also with that statement, many women up to this generation that my daughter is part of still feel the need to feel whole only if a ‘man’ is wanting her. Is this the generation of our daughters, when they will wear the kings “crown”?

Many more couples are choosing not to marry. Just to commit because they saw their parents and grandparents, stay together within a loveless papered union. Oh yes, this will take a future article also!

Have I painted a grim picture of dating relationships, is there no hope for true dating relationship to marriage when apparently there is only 5% of single dating men looking for marriage?

Now this is when it becomes exciting. Perhaps we need to revamp and look at ourselves and say, “I am a great catch! Is he good enough for me?” Future blogs will cover the best I can offer to “catch” your mate and make him wanting to take you to the marriage bed!

More to come!  Nancy